Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked. How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?”
I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman.
Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.
Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.