“I want to be an artist, not… a celluloid aphrodisiac.
“When you’ve written 10 books and have six on the New York Times best-seller list – and four have been No. 1 – I think you have a right to be a member of Congress.
“It is fun to be in the same decade with you.
“And will you succeed? Yes you will indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
“I have a great relationship with the Mexican people.
“I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was fourteen.
“To do a great right do a little wrong.
“Whenever I want to laugh, I read a wonderful book, ‘Children’s Letters to God.’ You can open it anywhere. One I read recently said, ‘Dear God, thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.’
“I don’t digest things with my mind.
“Dogs never bite me – just humans.
“I meant what I said and I said what I meant
“Hollywood is not suited for me, and I am not suited for it.
“You’re in pretty good shape for the shape you are in.
“In my world everyone’s a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies.
“ When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle’s on a poodle and the poodle’s eating noodles…
…they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.
“ From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
“ I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.
“ There’s no limit to how much you’ll know, depending how far beyond zebra you go.
“ Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
“ It is fun to have fun, but you have to know how.